Fall 2002 ~ Newsletter
Hope: A National Perspective
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Dear Gary...
by Gary Williams, Ed.S., LPC, CRC
Q. How can I find hope when my situation is hopeless?
A. Let me begin by quoting the Greek philosopher Epictetus..."A ship should not ride on a single anchor, nor life on a single hope..." Nearly 2000 years ago, Epictetus recognized the physical danger risked by traveling on a ship unprepared for all the various challenges and possibilities of a long journey at sea. He used that example as metaphor to make his main point...it is psychologically and spiritually dangerous to travel through one's life without being able to recognized that there are many possibilities!
If one's focus is to microscopic and based upon only one hope, one desire, one dream, one expectation...it is likely one will miss all the other wonderful opportunities life offers. There is the change that all the other hopes and desires we might have had for our lives are ignored because we are consumed by just one goal of expectation. What is even more likely is we dismiss the possibilities, though recognized, because we believe they are pointless (or impossible) if we cannot be assured of obtaining our primary goal. To use the Epictetus metaphor yet again, one might get "shipwrecked" along the way.
Many times, it is our interpretation of circumstances, and not necessarily the circumstances themselves, that cause us to get shipwrecked - stuck, depressed, and convinced that our situation is hopeless. Take the following even as an example (Bush, 2002). A friend is due to meet your for dinner at your house at 7:00 PM. But it's now past 8:00 PM and there's been no sign of her - not even a phone call. What will you think, feel and do about this? Remember, there is only one event!
What you think: How you feel: What you do: "She might have been hurt!" Worried or anxious Call hospital ER's and police "She stood me up!" Annoyed or angry Chew her out "I needed some time anyway." Relieved Relax and enjoy the extra time. This table of responses clearly illustrates that there is more than one possible belief, feeling and response to the situation. It is important to note the relationship among thinking, feeling, and doing. Thinking clearly affects feeling and behaviors, but all have an effect on the others. The following are some suggestions that can be used when we are stuck:
(Thinking) Be careful that your interpretation of events is completely accurate. Avoid the "all or nothing" way of thinking. Consider other possibilities.
(Feeling) Give yourself permission to feel awful sometimes. It is normal to feel bad when bad things happen. However, remember that feelings may cause you to misinterpret some things. Re-evaluate!
(Doing) If you are stuck and not doing anything...do something! If what you are doing is not working for you, do something else. Ask for help from support systems found in religious faith, friends, peers, family, counselors, and medical professionals.
Remember that it can be difficult to overcome inflexible thinking, overwhelming emotion and unhealthy behaviors. Take is slow. Mostly...think - feel - do!
The original question was - "How can I find hope when my situation is hopeless?" I'll tell you what - let's rephrase the question: What can I do to feel hopeful when I think my situation is hopeless? Is that a big enough clue?
Finally, I opened with a quote, so I will close with another 2000 year old quote from our old friend Epictetus: "The thing that upsets people is not what happens but what they think it means." Think about what it means!
Bibliography:
Bush, J.W. (2002). The CBT website. Retrieved 07/01/02.